What is confidence? Contrary to popular belief, it’s much more than just thinking you’re great or liking the way you look. It’s a mindset that influences the way you move through all aspects of life. If you’ve read my previous blog post 7 Manifestations of Confidence + How to Embody Them, you know that having true confidence can unlock several other amazing qualities within you (and if you haven’t read it yet, go check it out!). Consider this a sequel to that post. Here, I’m walking you through some tangible actions you can take to build your confidence. These tips should help confidence become not just your self-perception but your way of life!
1- Trusting your own judgment/intuition
Last week’s post Self Trust: How to Strengthen It offers a more detailed dive into how to trust yourself more. Having trust in your ability to make good decisions comes from knowing that you’re capable of doing so. You can look back at your proudest past decisions as a way of reinforcing this trust. In turn, putting this trust into action will transform your decision-making. You’ll refrain from overthinking your decisions, and you’ll call your own shots without seeking validation from others. Of course for big decisions, there’s nothing wrong with asking for input from trusted sources and loved ones. It just means that the final call will come from you. It will come from a genuine belief that it’s the right call—not a place of wanting to please, or avoid being judged by, someone else.
2- Being your own best friend
I’ve always been a firm believer that we should each be our own best friend. You are the only person you spend 100% of your time with for your entire life. Why not nurture that special relationship? You can do this by designating quality “you” time on a regular basis. Whether it’s taking yourself out on solo dates or reflecting/journaling in the comfort of your own bedroom (or ideally a bit of both), the goal is to deepen your connection with yourself. In doing so, you can gain a better understanding of why you are the way you are, as well as what you want and don’t want in life, relationships, work, etc.
The better your relationship with yourself is, the higher your standards will be across the board, and the less space you’ll hold for people and things that aren’t right for you. That means that the right people and things for you will have plenty of room in your life to flourish.
3- Taking messy action; not letting the fear of failure hold you back
When it comes to going for the things we want in life, sometimes we put off taking action for as long as we can, simply because we don’t feel prepared enough. However, it’s taking messy action that will make us feel increasingly confident in the venture at hand over time. Understanding that failure is inevitable should allow you to release the need for your first attempts to be perfect. You’ll let yourself just go for it, even if your first attempt is an absolute mess. To circle back to the theme of self-trust, I encourage you to trust that you will improve through time and experience.
4- Not seeing failure or rejection as reflective of who you are
If you’ve read my previous blog post Monthly Mindset Shift: Handling Failure with Confidence, you know that failure and rejection aren’t that deep (if not, there’s another post to go check out!). Contrarily, the only thing about these experiences that’s deep is that you were brave enough to take the chance. This mindset is a wake-up call that the things we’re so accustomed to take personally are not personal at all. They’re just a reflection of the fact that our pursuits require time and dedication to eventually succeed at them. That leads me to my next point…
5- Continuing to take action after failure because you believe in your eventual success
As easy as it can be to get discouraged after a failure or rejection, the best way to practice building your confidence in this scenario is to try again. You never know which attempt will be the one to get you where you want to be, making it worth every failed attempt leading up to it. The best thing you can do with your past failures is use them to inform and improve future attempts. This way, those past attempts won’t feel pointless. It’ll become clear that they HAD to happen in order to achieve your desired results!
6- Being authentically you around others without fear of saying or doing the wrong thing
While we should always aim to choose our words and actions wisely and thoughtfully, we shouldn’t have to worry that being ourselves is going to scare people away. If you’re just being true to yourself, and someone doesn’t like you as a result, there’s your sign they’re not meant for you. Isn’t it better that you know now than down the line after years of not being yourself with them? Save yourself the wasted time—and build the confidence—by simply being yourself and not overthinking your every move!
7- Only wanting what/who wants you
This one is a bit more of a mindset shift than a tangible action, but it can lead to the important inaction of no longer chasing the people who just don’t see your value. When you imagine your dream relationship, dream friendships, dream job, etc., don’t you imagine them to be with people who are just as excited about you as you are about them? I’m sure you don’t imagine these people to feel disinterested or indifferent toward you.
The next time you catch yourself wanting something (whether romantic, platonic, professional, etc.) with someone who just doesn’t seem to want the same with you, refer back to how you want that dream *insert type of relationship here* to feel. Know that this person, no matter how much you may like them, can’t give that to you. The good news is, someone else will be able to, and you won’t find yourself questioning it!
8- Saying yes when you mean yes & no when you mean no
As self-explanatory as this is, sometimes we feel pressured to agree to things we don’t want or deny things we do want. However, true happiness in life comes from being honest with ourselves and others about what we do and don’t want. Saying no doesn’t make you rude (as long as you’re kind and considerate about it, of course); it just means you’re not a people pleaser. Saying yes doesn’t make you too eager; you’re allowed to be excited about something/someone! Anyone who makes you feel rude or too eager for saying no or yes respectively just isn’t right for you. The right ones will stand by you through your every authentic yes and no!
9- Communicating directly/honestly
Sometimes when we’re not feeling 100% confident in what we need to communicate to someone, we’ll beat around the bush or do an excessive amount of sugar-coating. However, when we know exactly how we feel and why we feel that way, we can get straight to the point in a way that’s still kind and thoughtful. A tangible action we can take to get us closer to this goal is to write out our thoughts prior to an important conversation so that they’re organized. That doesn’t have to mean writing a script to be recited word-for-word. Rather, it can be helpful to have a general idea of the key points we want to make and how we want to deliver them.
10- Maintaining your boundaries & standards
A quote that I’ve always loved is, “The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.” Unfortunately, I can’t seem to find who originally came up with this quote, but it’s a truth that we all need to remember whenever we find ourselves tempted to blur our boundaries to please someone else. The reality is, you put your boundaries in place for a reason, and those who respect you won’t try to cross them.
As far as standards go, don’t be ashamed of keeping them high. What you want is out there. If you’re in a relationship where something important to you is missing, you don’t have to settle. As long as you aren’t expecting someone to be perfect or obscenely close to it, chances are, you’re not asking for too much. Just as importantly, keep your standards high for yourself as well. If you continue to become a better version of yourself, you’re all the more likely to attract that much better a version of the right person for you!
The bottom line…
You may find that some items on the list come more or less naturally to you than others do. Everyone has their strengths and areas for improvement when it comes to confidence. As they say, though, practice makes perfect. Every item on the list is something that you can put to practice in your everyday life. The more comfortable you can get with them, the more confident you’ll become!
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