If you’re a longtime reader here, you know that one of the key themes of this blog is self-trust, for good reason. We become so much more powerful when we trust ourselves. If you’ve been looking to strengthen your self-trust, look no further! Below are some tangible tips that will all add up!
1- Do what you say you’re going to do.
This encompasses little things and big things. Things you tell others you’re going to do and things you tell yourself you’re going to do. When we say, or even think to ourselves, “I’m going to _____”, it’s almost like an unofficial promise. Of course, if you change course for a legitimate reason such as a change of heart, that’s another story. You’re not bound to every little thing you say, as circumstances change, and so do you. As long as you make a conscious effort to choose your words wisely and live with intention, that’s what matters most.
Alternatively, if you find that you rarely follow through on what you say you’re going to do, now’s the time to look inward. Are you overpromising from a place of people pleasing? Trying to impress others and/or yourself? Are you misjudging how much you can handle at once? Are you making these commitments from a place of unsustainable ambition, which dies down before you can achieve what you set out to? Backing out due to fear of failure? Figuring out the root cause can help you move forward. As for the possibilities mentioned, let’s address how we can work on overcoming them…
People-Pleasing
As a reminder from a place of tough love, saying yes to more than you can handle doesn’t make you the helper you want to be. If you end up not being able to follow through anyway, you really only pleased these people for the short-term to avoid immediate discomfort. Being more selective will result in greater success and the ability to actually help people. The right people for you will understand and appreciate your willingness to help in the capacity you can, and the wrong ones will make it easy not to want to bend over backwards for them anymore!
Trying to impress others and/or yourself
Ask yourself why this is important to you. True confidence means you’re already impressed by yourself for all that you are. You don’t need to impress anyone else, and you don’t need to meet unrealistic expectations to impress yourself. For direction on how to create confidence within yourself through other traits, head to 7 Manifestations of Confidence + How to Embody Them. Also, consider that it’s much more impressive to do a smaller number of things effectively than to overpromise on a larger number of things and underdeliver!
Misjudging how much you can handle at once
Be more observant of yourself. How much is on your plate by the time you start feeling overwhelmed? How much feels manageable to you? When are you most successful in accomplishing all that you set out to? If you need to, track the answers to these questions over a set amount of time. Let your findings inform how much you should take on at a time going forward!
Unsustainable ambition
Learn to recognize when you’re on a “high” that you’re going to come down from, vs. when you’re regulated. Ambition can come in waves, but if you’re experiencing a level of ambition that you sense isn’t going to last, let that be your sign to pump the brakes.
FEAR OF FAILURE
Monthly Mindset Shift: How to Handle Failure with Confidence is a must-read for tackling this issue. To sum it up, though, failure will never be as deep as the magnitude of going for your goals. Even if you fail at first, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed altogether. It just means that you might need to experiment with new approaches. Your goals are worth that effort, aren’t they?
2- Set yourself up for success in all your endeavors.
This is a fairly broad one and can look several ways. As per the last point, one example is not biting off more than you can chew. Another example is getting well-prepared for something in advance. Studying thoroughly leading up to a test, researching the market for a business you want to start, getting your head in the right place leading up to a first date, the list goes on. Planning and preparing are great ways to increase your odds of a positive outcome. When you see that you were able to pull it off, you’re bound to trust yourself more!
An important distinction to note about this tip is that there’s no need to prepare obsessively. Studying for a test until your eyeballs fall out isn’t exactly embodying self-trust. Instead, it indicates a lack of trust in some part of yourself. Maybe you lack trust in your study methods, your ability to retain information, or your ability to take an educated guess on a question you’re not 100% sure about, to name a few examples. Whatever the case is, be honest with yourself and determine how you can build that trust. The goal of this tip is to prepare yourself adequately and then trust that you’ve got it!
3- Reflect on examples of your success.
I’ve said it in numerous past posts (especially How to Develop a Positive Belief System), and I’ll say it again… One of the best ways to strengthen your self-trust and confidence is to collect evidence of your capabilities and best qualities in action. This can include any number of specific examples. Leading up to a test, you may want to reflect on times you’ve done well on tests, especially those of a similar nature to the one you’ll be taking. Following a tough breakup, you may want to reflect on times you’ve bounced back from breakups or anything else of a similar nature. Make lists of these things, and refer to them often, especially when the occasion arises!
4- Keep trying after failures.
Speaking of bouncing back (and returning to the topic of failure), this is a great way to show yourself that you’re resilient and committed to your success. The more you get back up after getting knocked down, the less fearful of getting knocked down you’ll be. The less fearful of getting knocked down you are, the more likely you’ll be to take chances. The more chances you take, the more you’ll succeed. And the more you succeed, the more you’ll trust your ability to do so! See how that little cycle goes? Self-trust doesn’t mean trusting you’ll never fail (in fact, that belief is actually setting you up to distrust yourself, since failure is inevitable). It means trusting your ability to bounce back from failures and eventually succeed.
5- Listen to your gut when making decisions.
Going against your gut often naturally results in an unwanted outcome. If you don’t realize or acknowledge the fact that you went against your gut, you may just blame the unwanted outcome on poor judgment. The reality is, though, you knew deep down what the right path was. You just chose to deviate from it, likely because of a fear or limiting belief. For instance, maybe you chose to stay in a relationship you knew was wrong for you, just because you were afraid to be single or believed you’d never find someone better for you. However, if you followed your gut, you’d know that being single was the better option, until you meet the right person for you, which you’d trust would happen when it’s meant to happen.
Doing what you know is right, despite your fears, should strengthen your self-trust. Even if your gut occasionally leads you astray, at least you can say you made a decision based on what you thought was best at the time. Hopefully, those experiences will strengthen your inner voice and help you make better decisions in the future.
The bottom line…
Trusting yourself largely comes down to being more trustworthy. Do you keep promises to yourself? Do you commit to your goals and set yourself up to achieve them? Are you willing to fall and get back up? Do you listen to your inner voice instead of shunning it? All of these things will amount to a version of you that earns your own trust each and every day!
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