A common theme you’ll find on this blog is paradox. There’s something special about the concept that two things can be true at once, hence why I love writing about it! While it can be easy to see things as black and white, the gray area is generally where the truth—and the magic—lie. It’s just a matter of slowing down to appreciate the nuances.
“If you want it, go get it” vs. “If it’s meant to be, it will be”…
Today, we’re exploring a paradox of two opposing philosophies—“If you want it, go get it” and “If it’s meant to be, it will be”. There’s good reason for why we feel so conflicted between these two ideas. Much of what we want in life requires us to pursue it. We can’t sit back and wait for it to happen without taking any action. However, once we’ve invested our best efforts into something and expressed our intentions, we’ve done all we can do. The rest is in the hands of the other party or parties involved.
Basically, balancing these two schools of thought in the simplest possible way comes down to understanding what we can control vs. what we can’t, and acting accordingly. When it comes to the things in life that matter most to us, we often try exerting more control than we actually have. This can result in burnout, disappointment, and sometimes even blaming ourselves if things still don’t go how we want. This is where determining whether something is controllable or uncontrollable comes into play…
Simply put, the controllable things come from within you—your words, actions, responses, decisions, mindset, etc. The rest, which comes from everyone and everything else, is uncontrollable. While those external variables cover an infinitely larger amount of ground than the internal ones, fear not. The things you are able to control still make you an incredibly powerful force. Tapping into that power can bring you amazing gifts, including those that you least expect.
This concept in action…
Example: You’re job-searching and come across a job that sounds appealing to you. You go through the application and interview process, putting your best foot forward. This is the “if you want it, go get it” part of the equation. Once you’ve done this, you’ve done all there is for you to do. The ball is now in their court to let you know whether or not they’re choosing you for the job. You took action and went after what you wanted—way to go! If they do give you an offer, awesome! If not, at that point, there’s no way to control or change the outcome. What you can control, though, is your mindset around it. Be proud of yourself for taking the chance, even though it didn’t go the way you hoped. Understand that there’s nothing you could’ve done differently to get that particular job, because “if it’s meant to be, it will be”. The job that is for you, though? There’s nothing that could stand in the way of you getting it!
Another consideration…
Something else to consider is that a specific thing or person not being meant for you doesn’t mean that your overarching desires in that area of life aren’t. In other words, in the above example, if you don’t get the job, it simply means that that specific job wasn’t meant for you. But as for the things about it that appealed to you, it certainly doesn’t mean that those things aren’t meant for you. In fact, they may already be on their way to you in a different package (or will be in due time). You may’ve wanted the job because it sounded like a fulfilling role that you’d excel in. Despite this particular job not being in your fate, a different job that meets that same criteria will be!
So, of course, there’s no need to continue pursuing the job that didn’t choose you back. However, should you continue to wholeheartedly pursue your long-standing general goal of a fulfilling role you’d excel in? Absolutely! You still want it, so go get it! It’s just a matter of having an open mind about what form it’ll take. The details might look a little different than you imagined, but the fulfillment will feel just as strong, if not stronger, than you imagined. It will feel even more tailor-made for you than the job(s) you didn’t get, hence why said job(s) weren’t meant to work out for you. The same concept applies to relationships, friendships, etc.
The bottom line…
Ultimately, neither of the two philosophies are wrong; they’re both correct. We just need to use them in conjunction with each other in order for them to be effective. If you want it, hell yes, go for it. But once you’ve gone for it with an appropriate amount of action-taking (which varies from one situation to the next and is subjective—so, be sure to trust your instincts), let the chips fall as they may. Know that if it’s meant to be, it absolutely WILL be! Nothing that’s meant for you can escape you. And if something’s not meant for you, there’s no amount of action-taking that can change that.
Let’s make it our goal to not even want what isn’t meant for us. When you think of your dream life, don’t you imagine it filled with people and things who/that feel undeniably meant for you? I’m sure you don’t imagine yourself needing to fight tooth and nail for them to even consider being in your life. Though this mindset is easier to apply to some situations than others, sometimes it just takes time and practice. Let’s rewire our brains to only want what’s in our destiny to have. It will undoubtedly bring us more peace and confidence in our life’s path. Plus, when the right people and things for you do come along, it’ll be that much more magical!
And to finish by quoting the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” -Reinhold Niebuhr. That prayer just about sums up the whole blog post! It truly comes down to channeling the right strengths in the right contexts. Once again, it may take practice to master, but we just have to be patient with ourselves. May we all strike that beautiful balance of serenity, courage, and wisdom!