Welcome to the eighteenth blog post in the series “Monthly Mindset Shift”! As the name indicates, this series has one new post per month and will continue for the next several months. Each post in the series details a positive mindset shift we can make surrounding a feeling or experience that generally has a negative connotation. (Spoiler alert: For this post, that experience is facing judgment!) These shifts aren’t designed to erase all of our difficult/unwanted emotions around the topic at hand. Rather, they simply serve to improve our general outlook on the matter, which can, in turn, improve our actions and our outcomes. They’re all the more proof that a healthier, more constructive mindset can change the game!
Where to begin…
Judgment is one of those things that hits every one of us, whether we even know it or not. Sometimes it’s clear as day, other times we just feel that aura, and other times we have no idea. That last scenario shows that judgment doesn’t even have to affect us. What people think about us (particularly those who aren’t relevant in our lives) is truly none of our business. So, why do we ever revolve our decisions around wanting to prevent or reverse others’ judgments about us?
If you haven’t read my post Should We Care What Others Think About Us?, I recommend reading it now, as it gives a good backdrop for this post. In a nutshell, it breaks down that there are certain circumstances and angles from which it’s actually good to care, while there are others where it’s harmful and unnecessary. When it comes to judgment on how you’re living your life, you can bet it goes in the latter category! If you’re doing what you genuinely believe is right for you, at least for the time being, and you’re being considerate of any other parties involved, how could anyone’s opinion possibly discredit that?
Even if you end up pivoting in a different direction, won’t you be glad you at least followed your own gut at the time? You won’t have to live with the “what ifs”, because you’ve already explored it enough to know it’s not for you. Avoiding someone else’s judgment sure isn’t a replacement for that! In fact, no matter what decision you make, SOMEONE will have something to criticize. That should give you the green light to go for what YOU want!
Other considerations + food for thought…
On top of all that, it’s worth considering that all too often, our fear of judgment doesn’t come from a place of admiring those who’d be judging us. Sure, you might fear disappointing the people close to you, but a lot of the time, they’re not the ones judging you. If they are, it’s probably time for a refresh of your inner circle.
Who’s more likely to judge you? Internet trolls if you’re in the public eye to any degree. Random people in your larger social circle who you’re not even close with. In other words, people whose judgment should have no bearing on you! More likely than not, you don’t feel inspired to become more like them. You may not even know much about them beyond the fact that they’re judging you! And if that’s all you know about them, what’s there to admire about that?
The only thing that could make judgment from someone like that sting is if you don’t fully disbelieve what they’re saying. If their judgment targets an insecurity of yours, it’s natural for it to sting. We’ve all grappled with some form(s) of insecurity throughout our lives. If this is something about yourself that you can work on or change, go for it! If you can’t (at least not right now), the best you may be able to do for now is work on your mindset around it. Chances are, you wouldn’t needlessly criticize someone else’s insecurity like this person has done to you. That likely means that their insecurities are even greater than yours. You don’t have to stoop to their level. You can just sit back and remind yourself that this criticism isn’t coming from a confident place on the critic’s behalf.
To revive your own confidence, remind yourself that you don’t let your insecurities reach the point of tearing others down. You deal with them, and you might still be dealing with them, in a way that doesn’t harm anyone. That shows a great deal of strength and resilience. It may take time to reach a point where other people’s judgments don’t sting. In the meantime, you’re working on your mindset and confidence, which is the healthiest thing you can do.
You don’t even have to wish bad things upon those who judge you. Alternatively, you can genuinely hope that they work on their mindset and confidence as well. If they do this personal development, it isn’t going to make them bigger critics of you—quite frankly, it’ll probably do the opposite! When they’re feeling better about themselves, it’s much more likely they’ll regret their behavior toward you. They’ll realize it wasn’t coming from a place of feeling superior but rather wanting to feel that way. They’ll now see that it was harmful and unnecessary.
The bottom line…
To reiterate, keep doing your thing and working on self-improvement that deeply matters to you. Not for the sake of avoiding judgment, as that’s impossible—rather, for the sake of feeling more confident in the face of whatever judgment comes your way. Making authentic decisions is the best way to combat caring what others think. As for your insecurities, even the most confident people have them. Any healthy ways you can work on them, or at least your mindset about them, are worth trying. Operate not from a place of tearing yourself apart, but from a place of deep-rooted self-love!
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