Welcome to the first blog post in the series “Monthly Mindset Shift”! As the name indicates, this series will have one new post per month for the next several months. Each post in the series will detail a positive mindset shift we can make surrounding a feeling or experience that generally has a negative connotation. (Spoiler alert: For this post, that experience is failure!) These shifts aren’t designed to erase all of our difficult/unwanted emotions around the topic at hand. Rather, they simply serve to improve our general outlook on the matter, which can, in turn, improve our actions and our outcomes. They’re all the more proof that a healthier, more constructive mindset can change the game!
So, let’s get into it…Beating yourself up over failure? We’ve all been there; we’ve all done that. We’ve all let our setbacks negatively color the way we see ourselves. What if I told you that there was one small mental switch that you could flip in order to prevent, or at the very least, reverse, this destructive impact of failure on your confidence?
Today, I’m coming to you with a little straight-to-the-point PSA that you may not have known you needed. That failure, rejection, or “L” that you’ve been taking to heart is just not that deep.
No, it’s not a reflection of who you are, what you’re capable of, or anything in between. It’s not a measurement of your worth or your potential. It’s not personal, no matter how personal it may feel at the time. It doesn’t define you, nor is it how the people in your life will remember you. It’s nothing more than a moment in time; one of several attempts you’ll make towards your bigger-picture goal. We tend to think that failure means something more than it really does. Sometimes we internalize it to the point of believing that success isn’t in the cards for us. If that was the case, though, none of us would ever succeed, because we ALL face failure along the way.
If you failed a test that you need to pass for certification in your career, realize that that failure has no impact or bearing on how you’ll do when you retake it. That failure could’ve been due to lack of preparedness, nerves, or other unideal circumstances. Whatever the cause, you can take action toward reducing or eliminating the factor(s) that held you back from passing the first time around.
If you got rejected by your crush, as painful as that may’ve been, realize that that rejection isn’t a forecast for the future of your love life. Whatever the reason for that rejection was, it’s not a sign that you need to change something about yourself. Of course you can better yourself, but that self-betterment should be for you above anyone else. Your authenticity, coupled with your continuous self-betterment for your own sake, is what will attract who’s truly meant for you.
If you didn’t get a job that you wanted, remember that that rejection isn’t an indicator of how your future job interviews will go. Whatever the reason was, you can prepare yourself more effectively for the next interview with any insight you may’ve gained from that previous interview. At the same time, you can continue to channel the qualities that make you stand out for the better.
Regardless of the specific scenario, passion toward a desire or goal has a tendency to intensify all our emotions surrounding that desire or goal—both the good and the bad. Every little win feels like we won the lottery, while every little loss feels like a giant punch in the gut. It feels personal and deep, but the most important wake-up call we could ever receive is that it’s neither personal nor deep. Rather, it’s an unavoidable part of having desires and goals. And since we’re all human, having desires and goals is an unavoidable part of life!
In each of the above examples, it’s normal to feel disappointed, frustrated, etc. I encourage you to let yourself feel anything and everything you need to feel. Simultaneously, though, getting down on yourself about it just isn’t the answer. Harsh self-criticism doesn’t make things any better (in fact, it does the opposite). What can and will make things better is identifying the value in your experience…(Refer to lesson #15 in my blog post, “25 Powerful Life Lessons I’ve Learned in My 25 Years”. https://awiseowltoldme.com/25-life-lessons/ )
Failing a first (or even hundredth) attempt at something makes you all the wiser. If you think of each failure as a roadmap for growth, it won’t feel like a defeat. Alternatively, it will feel like an unexpected way of propelling you forward. The knowledge, insight, and experience you gained from failing will undoubtedly contribute to your eventual success. Talk about a worthwhile failure AND an extra sweet success!
On one last note, if you really want to make it deep, be proud of yourself for taking the chance. Remind yourself how brave you were to go after what you wanted, despite how intimidating it may’ve been. Channel that bravery towards continuing to go after what you want. Instead of being your deterrent from trying again, let your failures be your fuel to keep going. Over time, you’ll be less fazed by failing, because you’ll see how inevitable it is. When you try again, you’re going to feel less intimidated because you’ll have a much better idea of what to expect. You’re going to feel more well-armed thanks to the preparation you’ve done in the meantime.
May you not only refuse to let failure shake your confidence, but in fact, let it ELEVATE your confidence!