Welcome to the fourteenth blog post in the series “Monthly Mindset Shift”! As the name indicates, this series has one new post per month and will continue for the next several months. Each post in the series details a positive mindset shift we can make surrounding a feeling or experience that generally has a negative connotation. (Spoiler alert: For this post, that experience is regret!) These shifts aren’t designed to erase all of our difficult/unwanted emotions around the topic at hand. Rather, they simply serve to improve our general outlook on the matter, which can, in turn, improve our actions and our outcomes. They’re all the more proof that a healthier, more constructive mindset can change the game!
Ah, regret…we’ve all been there, we’ve all had that. It can be one of the most haunting feelings, as you replay moments in your head, wishing you made different decisions. It’s only natural to feel this way about certain things in your life. While the goal shouldn’t be to sweep them under the rug, what we can aim for is a sense of acceptance and peace surrounding them. Sure, our regrets may haunt us for a time, but how about slowly redirecting that energy in a more constructive way?
The mindset shift…
To me, a clear way to do this is to let our regrets be our teachers. Every misstep we make is full of lessons just waiting to be learned. If you look back at something you did and cringe, chances are, you’re not doing that thing again! Of course it’d be nice to learn these lessons in some other way that didn’t involve secondhand embarrassment of your past self, or even worse, feeling really badly about a decision you made. However, certain lessons have to be taught to us in a memorable, impactful way for them to fully stick. The “you” that emerges from these regret-filled times will be 10x wiser and more well-equipped to handle similar situations in the future than the “you” you were before.
This concept in action…
For instance, say that you regret staying at a job that made you miserable for years. Sure, it’d be great if you could’ve learned to walk away from the wrong things without having to endure this wrong thing for so long. BUT just imagine what a champ you’ll be at walking away from the wrong things in the future! No motivational speaker could’ve drilled that message into your head quite like your experience did. If you can think of it in these terms, you might even feel a twinge of gratitude for your regret. It made you the wiser, braver, more confident person you are today!
More food for thought…
To fall back on a cliché that always does the trick for me, what’s meant to be will be. How does this apply to regret? Well, no matter how much you wish you did something differently, that’s not what was meant to happen. There’s a reason why things had to happen the way they did. As per the mindset shift we just uncovered, it could’ve been to teach you a lesson (or more likely, lessons—plural) in the most effective way. It could’ve been to put you on a path you needed to go down. It could’ve even been to teach or positively shape the life of someone around you!
These are all takeaways that may not seem evident on the surface, certainly not right away. In fact, it may take years to discover them. Heck, in the case of impacting someone else, it’s possible you’ll never discover that! That’s where trust comes into play. You have no idea what’s happening behind the scenes for you or because of you. However, if your default response to not knowing these things is trusting that it’s all working out for the best, you’ll be that much more at peace. Your regrets can’t haunt you too hard if you believe they happened for good reason.
We’ve all heard the sentiment to focus on the present. This topic of regret demonstrates the importance of that sentiment perfectly. By constantly fixating on the past, how are we actually moving forward from it? Quite possibly the best role that the past can play in our lives is an educational one.
The bottom line…
May your regrets teach you, motivate you, empower you, and prompt you to step into the “you” that you want to be. What more from them could you ask for?