Welcome to the eleventh blog post in the series “Monthly Mindset Shift”! As the name indicates, this series has one new post per month and will continue for the next several months. Each post in the series details a positive mindset shift we can make surrounding a feeling or experience that generally has a negative connotation. (Spoiler alert: For this post, that experience is being a late bloomer!) These shifts aren’t designed to erase all of our difficult/unwanted emotions around the topic at hand. Rather, they simply serve to improve our general outlook on the matter, which can, in turn, improve our actions and our outcomes. They’re all the more proof that a healthier, more constructive mindset can change the game!
Where to begin…
If you’ve ever felt like a late bloomer in anything in life—dating, marriage, family, career, adulting, you name it—this blog post is for you. First off, I can’t possibly emphasize enough that you’re very far from alone. You may feel alone since there aren’t tons of people sharing their experiences of feeling behind, least of all publicly. Trust me, though, plenty of people (including myself) have felt this way at some point or another.
No matter what circumstances have slowed you down in “catching up” to those around you, the reality is that life isn’t a race. Even if it was, your “ranking” wouldn’t determine a single thing about you except for the timeline your life was meant to have. In no way does it indicate that you’re lacking something, nor does it have any bearing on how bright your future is. All it means is that you were meant to do certain things at a later point than certain other people you know. It may not make sense right now, but that’s where trust comes in. When the amazing things that are happening for others start happening for you too, you’ll understand that it was worth the wait.
On that note, maybe things are happening later than ideal because the wait will make them that much more special. Life has various ways of teaching us not to take things for granted. One of those ways is by delaying our gratification. Our pent-up desire translates into deep gratitude when we finally have the things we’ve wanted. You’ve probably heard this line of reasoning before if you’ve confided in enough people about feeling behind. However, there’s a mindset shift surrounding being a late bloomer that I think could use more recognition…
The mindset shift…
…which is that the longer we have to wait for a certain milestone to happen for us, the more knowledge, wisdom, insight, preparation, maturity, and personal development we’re collecting along the way to bring into that venture with us. Those months or years we spent waiting for that breakthrough were also spent learning and growing more than we could conceptualize. The venture we’re entering into will be that much better off for all we have to offer it.
None of this is to say that early bloomers are automatically going into their ventures ungrateful, ill-equipped, ill-informed, ill-prepared, immature, or anything of the sort. It’s just to say that each person’s timeline is a product of a collision of factors. These factors vary from person to person and can’t be explained in a concrete, complete, easy-to-understand way. There’s no need to play the comparison game or wrack our brains for explanations. Instead, let’s aim to identify the unique value in our one-of-a-kind timeline and life story.
You might think that someone else’s timeline would be best for you, but if that were true, that timeline would be yours. Whatever you perceive to be the “average” timeline could very well be more accelerated than average. You may just think of it as average because those whose lives are going at that speed are more likely to share it than those with more slowly-paced timelines. Everyone’s needs and circumstances are different, meaning that the way their life events unfold will be different too. There’s no one right way; there’s only the right way for each individual. So much peace lies in wholeheartedly embracing this truth.
Applying the mindset shift…
While patience and acceptance of our timelines are incredibly important, that doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t continue to take action toward getting where we want to be. It’s all about exercising our power where we can, while surrendering to the factors outside our control. (My post Which Philosophy Speaks the Truth? goes into greater detail about this distinction).
To break it down, let’s use the example of being a late bloomer in your career because you haven’t figured out the right path for yourself yet. (If this is you, check out my post Monthly Mindset Shift: Finding Purpose Amid Career Uncertainty). In this case, your 3 goals regarding this scenario can be as follows:
1- Remain accepting of the fact that it hasn’t yet happened.
You know you can’t go back in time and change how you approached figuring out your career in the past. Sure, you might regret certain choices you made, which is completely normal. However, you know that for one reason or another, you needed to make those choices to collectively lead you in the right direction in due time. Though you haven’t determined that direction yet, your past can provide valuable insight on how to get there.
2- Remain patient, and trust that it will happen.
Not only is it important to accept the time that’s already passed without achieving your goal; it’s just as important to accept any remaining time it takes. Think back to another time when you felt like you’d never reach a certain goal and eventually did. It can even be a smaller goal or one from your younger years—for example, winning a soccer game in high school. When you were basking in that win, did you even care about how long it took to get there? I would guess if anything, it felt all the more significant and special because you had to wait for it. Let any past experiences of this nature act as proof that even when you question whether you’ll achieve something, you always end up pulling through for yourself. This current predicament is no exception.
3- Take action toward figuring out the right path for yourself.
Acceptance and patience can and should coexist with persistence and progression. Continue to soul search, journal, research, network, and take any other steps that will get you closer to your goal. Even if the impact of each individual step is small, when put together, they will move the needle over time. Not only will you make concrete progress toward your goal, but your energy will come from the right place—a place of knowing that it’s not a matter of if, but only a matter of when, you’ll achieve it. Action-taking indicates that you haven’t taken yourself out of the game. This is something to be so proud of, and also so excited about!
The bottom line…
Being a late bloomer may come with some frustration and unsureness of oneself. However, just know that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be right now. You’re not “behind”; you’re right on time. In fact, you’re in bloom as we speak! Use this season of your life to absorb as many tools and resources as you can to call in your eagerly-awaited milestone. Trust and believe that it will happen for you, because it absolutely will—in the most custom-made-for-you way possible!