Today, we’re talking about a distinction that will hopefully clear up any confusion you may be facing about a decision you’ve made or are going to make. What is that distinction, you ask? Have you been convincing yourself that a certain decision is right or have you been reminding yourself why it’s right? If it’s the latter, then it’s probably a decision you can feel confident about making. If it’s the former, it may be time to reevaluate that decision. Let’s discuss a few key differences between the two that should help you figure out which one you’ve been doing and what this means!
1- If you made a certain decision while in a clarity-driven state, but you’re second-guessing it while in a vulnerable emotional state, chances are, you’ll be reminding yourself why the decision is/was right.
For instance, say that you left the wrong relationship upon strengthening your self-worth and gaining clarity. Then a few months later, your confidence dipped, and you started questioning whether or not you should’ve left. To overcome this, you’ll probably reflect on legitimate reasons why you left. It’s not that you consistently need convincing that the decision was right; you know in your heart that it was. You just need to occasionally remind yourself of these things to get you through a moment of weakness. That weak moment has less to do with genuinely thinking you made the wrong decision and more to do with your emotions surrounding it. Once it passes, you should find yourself feeling a renewed sense of confidence in your decision.
Alternatively, if you’re second-guessing a certain decision on a fairly consistent basis, even when you’re not feeling vulnerable, there’s a good chance you’re convincing yourself that the decision is/was right, when you know deep down it is/was not. For instance, say you’re choosing to stay in the wrong relationship, for emotional reasons. You often feel “off” about it, but your heart isn’t quite ready to leave. In this case, you might subconsciously fish for reasons why you should stay. However, your gut feeling about the relationship, as much as you try suppressing it, is the one you should trust. It’s lingering in your mind no matter how you’re feeling. Fighting your gut instinct isn’t going to make it go away. You may be able to very temporarily convince it away, but it will resurface if your arguments against it aren’t coming from a genuine place.
So, pay extra attention to how you’re feeling in a given moment in order to determine whether you’re reminding or convincing yourself.
2- Reminding yourself is reinforcing and strengthening your already-established belief, while convincing yourself is telling yourself things you want to hear, which contradict your gut feeling.
In other words, reminding is genuine, whereas convincing is manufactured, whether you consciously know it or not. Even if your persuasion skills are top notch, you can never truly fool yourself, at least not long-term. If you’ve been trying to convince yourself to take a certain path because you think will make life easier or less complicated, you haven’t been fully honest with yourself about what the right path truly is. Let this be your sign to change that—honesty is the best policy, and the all-time most important person to be honest with is yourself, even when it’s difficult.
3- Reminding yourself of something implies that you already know it to be true, while convincing yourself implies that you’re trying to make yourself believe it to be true.
If you’re reminding yourself of why a decision is/was right, it’s probably just because there’s a lot of information surrounding the situation that can easily be forgotten, especially during a vulnerable time. In this case, you’ll just want to revisit any relevant information that may snap you out of feeling bad about your decision. No matter how confident you may be that a certain decision is right, you’re only human. Even your best or proudest decision could’ve been a difficult one to make. It’s okay to need those reminders sometimes. It doesn’t invalidate the truth of the matter (that you did the right thing).
If you’re convincing yourself of why a decision is/was right, it’s probably not a matter of forgetting why, but rather a matter of not really knowing why, because you can’t confidently say that it is/was. When a decision’s truly right, you already know it without having to search far and wide for justification. You may just need the occasional refresher of the nitty gritty details, especially if the decision came with a lot of emotion.
The bottom line…
To put it as simply as possible, in most cases, reminding = right decision; convincing = wrong decision. Your soul knows the truth. You’ll seldom have to convince it of something it already knows. You’ll only have to remind it from time to time, which is normal and natural! When your emotions are at their peak, they have a tendency to cloud your memory, so be sure to refer to what you already know in these moments. In fact, when you’re feeling better, it can be helpful to journal or make a list of your reasons behind the decision that you can refer to whenever you’re feeling emotional about it.
If you conclude that you have been convincing yourself that your decision is/was right, resist the urge to be hard on yourself. Let it teach you the lessons you didn’t know you needed to learn. If the decision is reversible (which it very well could be, at least on some level), go for it! Even if it’s not, though, trust that you made it for a reason. (If you haven’t read my post Trust and Have Faith in These 5 Things to Change Your Life, go check it out; especially focus on points #3 & #5). In the meantime, may it inspire you to grow and make more well-aligned decisions going forward.
The most important moral of the story is, make decisions that you can easily remind yourself of your reasoning behind. Make decisions that you don’t have to sell to yourself because you’re already sold.
Leave a Reply