The Most Cliché Yet Effective Way to Heal From a Breakup

Moving on from a breakup, no matter what the circumstances, can be incredibly difficult. In every dynamic—being the one to call it off, being the one who got broken up with, and having a mutual breakup—there’s a unique set of challenges to face. While there are specific tips I could give for varying circumstances (see my post How to Strengthen Your Confidence in Each Season of Your Love Life), there are certain things that can be said regardless. In this post, I’m bringing you a universal tip that you’ve probably heard before, BUT I’m going to make it less cliché by digging deeper into it and uncovering why and how it can help you. After all, we can hear the same advice countless times, but if all it does is state the obvious, how effective can it be?

So, here’s the cliché…

Take this time to focus on yourself.

I’m sure if you’re on your third box of tissues or fourth pint of ice cream, this advice is just nails on a chalkboard to you! I totally understand, but if your true goal is to move on and feel better, don’t run away just yet…

When going through the sadness, anger, and grief of a breakup, your ex is at the center of all your thoughts. You might go back and forth between romanticizing them and absolutely hating them. Both ends of that spectrum, though, are giving your ex a LOT of mental energy. It’s normal to go through these stages, and I’m not advising you to skip over them altogether. Releasing your feelings (through crying, talking, journaling, etc.) is extremely important. They don’t all need to be completely logical or even helpful emotions. It’s when you feel that these emotions have overstayed their welcome that it might be time to take control.

Breaking down the cliché…

Focusing on yourself in a positive, meaningful way can’t hinder your moving-on process; it can only move it along. Again, right now (and probably for a while now), your ex is at the center of everything for you. Is it any wonder why everything makes you think of them? The way to move on (quite possibly without even immediately realizing you’re moving on), is to put YOURSELF at the center. Dethrone your ex from that coveted spot!

They could still be a great person who you have no ill feelings toward. Often times, these are some of the hardest breakups to get over! That’s why, their role in your life, or lack thereof, shouldn’t be determined by how great a person they are. It should be determined by how great they are for you. You may still have some internal debate about that, because once upon a time, you may’ve thought they were the one. But for one reason or another (or several reasons), the relationship isn’t meant to continue, AT LEAST not right now. That means, at the very least, this person isn’t right for you right now. Whether or not you’re meant to come back together in the future shouldn’t be the focus. What should be the focus is recentering yourself.

Sometimes the natural inclination after a breakup is to try finding someone new. However, as you’ve probably heard countless times before, this usually isn’t the healthiest or most constructive route to go. At the same time, the logic of redirecting your focus toward someone else is solid. It’s just a matter of who that “someone else” should be. Instead of it being a romantic rebound, it should be you!

The same positive effects that come from moving on to a new love interest can come from moving onto yourself, but without the negative effects. Prematurely introducing a new romantic prospect into your life tends to end in further heartache, both for yourself and this new prospect. (At the very most, settle for a smile from a cute stranger to put an extra pep in your step lol). Alternatively, putting the focus back on yourself doesn’t require a healed version of you. Rather, it heals you, slowly but surely. It makes you the main character of your life again. When you think of your life and everything in it, your thoughts will no longer revolve around your ex. Sure, they’ll pop into your head sometimes, but when they do, they’ll seem like a side character who used to be much more significant to you.

This concept in action…

So, you might be wondering, “what does focusing on myself right now look like?”. Of course, individual circumstances and needs can help you answer that question. If you’re at a loss for ideas, though, here are some that are simple yet effective:

•Being considerate of yourself. Example: “What’s in my best interest? How might have I neglected to prioritize my best interest when in that relationship? How can I make up for that now?”
•Getting to know yourself better. Spending more time alone, reflecting, journaling, rewriting your standards/desires for future relationships, etc.
•Investing time, money, and effort into yourself. This can include your health, finances, dreams, goals, appearance, confidence, mindset, etc.
•Having hobbies and activities you do just for fun. These will add joy into your life!
•Taking healthy, strategic risks / getting outside your comfort zone. This is sure to take the focus off your ex, as your focus will just be survival (lol kidding not kidding). Plus, way to make yourself proud!
•Nurturing your dearest nonromantic relationships. Family, friends, etc. Just because you don’t have romantic love right now doesn’t mean you don’t have plenty of other love!

While these things may not make a drastic difference overnight, as time goes on, you should notice your own progress. Maybe you went 6 hours without thinking about your ex, when previously, you could barely go 6 minutes! That’s still something to celebrate and take pride in! To throw another cliché into the mix, healing isn’t linear. You could make great strides and still have setbacks. However, if you keep doing what’s working for you, you’re sure to make progressively greater strides that go the distance.

The bottom line…

Hopefully, you now have a more extensive view of what focusing on yourself can do for you in the midst of a breakup. It’s not just some overused piece of advice that people throw at you when they don’t know what else to say. When you actually follow the advice wholeheartedly, you should feel its positive effects over time. In the meantime, stay patient with yourself, and know that you will get through this!