Welcome to the fifteenth blog post in the series “Monthly Mindset Shift”! As the name indicates, this series has one new post per month and will continue for the next several months. Each post in the series details a positive mindset shift we can make surrounding a feeling or experience that generally has a negative connotation. (Spoiler alert: For this post, that experience is not getting closure!) These shifts aren’t designed to erase all of our difficult/unwanted emotions around the topic at hand. Rather, they simply serve to improve our general outlook on the matter, which can, in turn, improve our actions and our outcomes. They’re all the more proof that a healthier, more constructive mindset can change the game!
It’s safe to say most, if not all, of us have been blindsided at some point in life or another. Common examples include someone ghosting you or having a relationship/friendship end abruptly. Often times, there’s no obvious reason why things ended, thus creating a lack of closure. It can be hard to move on from situations like this, as we still yearn for answers. It’s in our nature to want to know where things went wrong.
As natural as it is to be curious, what if that curiosity is taking a toll on our mental state? We might start mentally replaying every interaction we’ve had with that person, scrutinizing our every word. We might romanticize that person unnecessarily. These things aren’t bringing us any closer to getting clarity and moving on. Instead, they’re hindering us and keeping us stuck in the past. While wracking our brains on some level is understandable in the beginning, there comes a time for us to recognize when enough is enough.
Mindset shift incoming…
…What if we don’t really need to know why it ended? What if all we need to know is that the other person has chosen to close the door?
If you were in what you perceived to be a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship/friendship, but the other party chose to leave because they felt differently, doesn’t that just mean you weren’t a match?
Compatibility consists of many components. One that’s easy to overlook, though, is compatibility in the way two people feel about each other. If one of you is deeply fulfilled with the other and committed to making it work, while the other just isn’t, there’s a lack of compatibility there. Maybe the discontent party hasn’t shared with you a part of themself that would shine light on why you two are the wrong match. Maybe if they did, it would be abundantly clear why they exited your life. As understandable as it is to want this intel, there’s a chance you’ll never get it. Instead of spending the rest of your life craving answers you may never get, you just have to trust that it would all make sense if you did.
At the end of the day, you don’t need closure from someone who chose not to give it to you. Miraculously enough, you can give yourself closure. All you have to do is decide that the “why” doesn’t matter. What matters is the reality of the situation that you do know. The other person didn’t see the same vision for your relationship/friendship that you did. They weren’t in alignment with you, perhaps in ways you couldn’t even see. (In fact, maybe if you could see those incompatibilities, you would’ve ended things too!) They chose to leave you without giving you clarity. All of these things should slowly but surely help you close that door yourself.
Moving on by pouring your energy back into yourself is one of the best ways to get that much-needed closure. The Most Cliché but Effective Way to Get Over a Breakup explains this in great detail. When you’re living life for YOU, getting out there in different ways, you’ll find that a desire for answers no longer haunts you. If one day out of the blue, that person decides to call you and explain themself, great! But you certainly won’t be waiting around for that call. You’ll be booked and busy, or at least enjoying your own company!
The bottom line…
As I always say, trust that what’s meant for you can’t miss you. If something that seemed so great for you passes you by, the reason for that is probably much greater than you can imagine. You may never know the “why”, so all you can do is trust… Trust and believe that it ended now to save you from something worse down the line. Better is coming for you!