Monthly Mindset Shift: How to Reframe Loneliness

Welcome to the thirteenth blog post in the series “Monthly Mindset Shift”! As the name indicates, this series has one new post per month and will continue for the next several months. Each post in the series details a positive mindset shift we can make surrounding a feeling or experience that generally has a negative connotation. (Spoiler alert: For this post, that experience is loneliness!) These shifts aren’t designed to erase all of our difficult/unwanted emotions around the topic at hand. Rather, they simply serve to improve our general outlook on the matter, which can, in turn, improve our actions and our outcomes. They’re all the more proof that a healthier, more constructive mindset can change the game!

If you’ve been experiencing a sense of loneliness, this blog post is for you. Certain phases of our lives can feel isolating for different reasons. Maybe you just graduated school and now have a smaller network of people to interact with daily. Maybe you just got out of a relationship. Or maybe it’s just one of those seasons when it feels like everyone around you is moving on, doing their own thing. Regardless, as frustrating as it may feel, we hold the power to take something valuable away from the experience. Let’s get into how we can go about doing that…

The mindset shift…

For starters, the biggest mindset shift you could ever make regarding loneliness is as follows. You’re never truly alone when you have yourself. This may sound cliché, but I challenge you to let it fully sink in. As I’ve said in previous blog posts, I’m a firm believer in the beauty of being your own best friend. We confide in ourselves about things we wouldn’t dare share with anyone else. We get to witness ALL seasons of our own lives, including all the best and all the worst. These aren’t things to take for granted. Even when you’re low on people to reach out to or spend time with, you ALWAYS have you.

Of course, this isn’t to undermine the very real importance of interpersonal connections. We wouldn’t be here today without them! Familial, platonic, and romantic connections all hold beautiful places in our lives. At the same time, we may not have all types of connections at all times. In fact, there may be times when we only have a select few connections, whether of just one type or across more than one. Even when we have strong emotional connections (whether a few or many), we may not see those people in person very often, whether for geographic or scheduling reasons (or both). Loneliness can persist even in these cases. That’s why building a strong relationship with yourself can ease that feeling. No matter who else is or isn’t around, you can always count on your own connection and company.

This concept in action…

So, what does relying on your own connection and company look like? Well, there are plenty of examples, including but not limited to…

•Taking yourself on solo dates (dinner, coffee, the movies, shopping, etc.)
•Having solo date nights in (watching a movie at home, organizing your spaces, pampering yourself, etc.)
•Engaging in activities specifically designed to strengthen your connection with yourself (reflecting, journaling, etc.)
•Being more mindful of your self-talk; speaking kindly and positively to and about yourself
•Having conversations with yourself like you would with a best friend (debriefing your days, getting excited about your wins, supporting yourself through your losses, having lots of inside jokes, etc.)
•Working on your goals

Maybe the reason you’re lonely right now is because you’re meant to invest this time into yourself. Let’s face it, as incredible as it is to have a large network of close relationships, it can be harder to make room for personal development under those circumstances. It’s certainly not impossible, but there’s no time quite like a lonely time to go ALL in on yourself. Without a friend group who wants to get together every weekend or a significant other who you talk to everyday and see several times a week, you have plenty more time to fill however you please. Why not optimize it and make it a time you’ll remember for the better?

As for those important interpersonal connections, this doesn’t mean you can’t still strive to accumulate more. Especially when you feel like you’ve made great strides in your personal development, you may have more space for those connections. However, the goal should be to accumulate quality, well-aligned connections. Making friends or getting into a relationship just for the sake of having people around isn’t going to cure your loneliness. In fact, nothing’s lonelier than being surrounded by the *very clearly* wrong people for you. (I promise, being by yourself trumps that every time!). Don’t be afraid to be choosy, because you have nothing to lose. The right connections will shine light on why it’s more than okay to be alone for a while. Be patient as you put yourself in positions to meet new people.

The bottom line…

Loneliness isn’t always fun, but with the right mindset, it can be meaningful and worthwhile. Remember, this is just a season of your life. If you knew you’d become a whole lot less lonely in 6 months to a year, how would you spend that time? May that answer guide your decisions!