Confidence is easily one of the greatest superpowers we can have. Yet, it’s often reduced to simply looking in the mirror and thinking we look good, or even just thinking positive things about ourselves. In reality, there’s so much more to it than that. It’s such a powerful quality that it lends us an abundance of other amazing qualities. Today I’m unpacking 7 of them and explaining exactly how each one is connected to confidence, as well as tips for unlocking them yourself!
1- Patience
When you’re starting a new venture of any kind, it’s typical not to see your desired results immediately. For instance, learning a new skill usually isn’t a one-and-done task; it takes time. Therefore, it requires patience with yourself and the process. It’s much easier to be patient with yourself if you believe in yourself (AKA have confidence)! The more you believe you will accomplish your goal, the less worried you’ll be about the timeline. You’ll know it’s not a matter of if, but only a matter of when.
A great way to unlock this patience is to remind yourself of times when you had to wait a while to reach your desired results, yet you eventually did. Remind yourself of what tools and approaches helped you the most, and if applicable, lean on them again. Lastly, remind yourself of how much your patience paid off in these past scenarios. All of these reminders serve to strengthen your self-trust, as well as your trust in the process you’re undergoing.
2- Honesty/authenticity
An easily overlooked component of confidence is being unapologetic about your decisions, beliefs, personality, etc. The more confident you are, the more likely you are to express yourself honestly. You won’t feel the need to conceal the real you. You’ll say what you mean and mean what you say, because you’ll have confidence in whatever it is you’re saying. You won’t worry about people’s approval, because you’ll know that the people who are meant for you will do more than just approve of you—they’ll appreciate and celebrate you. That will hold tremendously more value to you than approval from people who will never really get you.
If fear of judgment has been holding you back from being your true self, changing this starts with putting things into perspective. The worst outcome of living authentically is that some people judge you or don’t resonate with you. On the other hand, the worst thing that can happen if you don’t live authentically is that you lose touch with your true self, your beliefs, your goals, your desires, etc. When you spell it all out like that, isn’t it clear that the second scenario is far worse than the first? Coming to this realization is when everything can and will change for you in the best of ways. As you practice putting your true self out there, you’ll become less fazed by those who don’t really see you. Plus, you’ll attract those who value you for you, leading you to more compatible friendships and relationships!
3- Humility
An important distinction regarding confidence is that it’s completely different from cockiness. In fact, cockiness is often a mask that’s used to conceal deep-rooted insecurity. Confidence embodies the ability to admit mistakes, imperfections, room for improvement, etc. When you’re confident in your capabilities, character, etc., owning up to those things can’t possibly take away from this confidence. You believe in yourself enough to know that you can and will continue to grow. You also don’t feel the need to be superior to others. You know your value, and you don’t think of it in relation to anyone else’s; you know they’re separate entities.
The surprising key to becoming more humble is working through insecurities. It may sound like an oxymoron, but that’s because confidence and humility tend to be viewed as two opposing traits. In reality, they’re two sides of the same coin! Doing that inner work can be a process, but there are plenty of tools that can help you. These include reflecting, journaling, and talking out your thoughts/feelings, whether with a loved one and/or a therapist.
4- Kindness
Kindness goes hand-in-hand with humility. When you’re confident, you realize that uplifting those around you can’t possibly bring you down. On the contrary, it does the opposite—it uplifts you right alongside them. There’s more than enough positive attention, compliments, and good energy to go around!
Becoming kinder in your everyday life can start with small, random acts of kindness. Examples include giving simple compliments, lending a helping hand to those who need it, and just being the friendly face that makes someone’s day better. These little things will add up and make you feel even more confident in the type of person you are. Plus it will attract other kind people into your life!
5- Bravery
Taking healthy, strategic risks is a big part of confidence. It means that you believe in yourself enough to know that your risks will pay off in one way or another. These risks can range from striking up a conversation with your crush to delivering a presentation at work. As scary as these things may be, confidence will help you overcome your fears, as you know in the depths of your soul that you’ll be okay no matter what. Even if you fail, it won’t kill your confidence. You might feel disappointed or frustrated, understandably so, but you won’t let it get you down for long. Ultimately, you’ll move forward by taking the insight you gained and applying it to future scenarios.
To get in touch with your brave side, start by challenging yourself to take small risks. Once you get past the initial nerves, you might feel a rush from stepping outside your comfort zone. Let that rush fuel you to take more risks. As long as they aren’t dangerous, reckless, or ill-advised, and they have the potential to result in something positive, they’re risks worth taking!
6- Sense of humor
Back to the distinction between confidence and cockiness, generally cockiness will result in one of two personality types regarding humor: 1) taking oneself too seriously to have much sense of humor and 2) only making jokes at the expense of others, including jokes that cross the line from all-in-good-fun to mean-spirited. However, confidence manifests in being able to playfully make fun of yourself and laugh more in general.
Of course that doesn’t mean you can’t playfully make fun of those who you have a playful dynamic with as well. (In fact, that’s one of my personal favorite dynamics in relationships of all kinds!) It just means that you’re comfortable and self-assured enough to be the brunt of your own jokes from time to time. It’s a great way to combat embarrassment—if you can be the first to laugh at yourself in an “embarrassing” moment, you can change the narrative around it for the better. Try this the next time you do something that you’d normally feel embarrassed by. It’ll make all the difference, not just in how others perceive that “embarrassing” thing, but most importantly, how you perceive it.
7- Looking your best
Feeling good in your own skin goes beneath the surface but can result in feeling and looking just as good on the surface. Confidence allows you to walk with your head held high, shoulders back, and a smile in your eyes. You glow differently when you feel good about yourself. On top of that, you’re more likely to dress to your fullest potential and care for your hair and skin. Of course, confidence doesn’t require external validation or attention. However, confidence does accept and appreciate compliments, including those that are appearance-based. Looks certainly aren’t everything, but liking the way you look can be a great way to boost (NOT determine) your mood and confidence.
If you haven’t been loving your appearance lately, reflect on why this might be, as well as how to feel more attractive. Remember, attractiveness isn’t just about how others see you, but most importantly, how you see yourself. There’s also no singular mold that makes someone attractive, as beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. With that being said, by wearing clothes that you feel good in, you’ll surely be found attractive by others, not just because of the clothes themselves, but the confidence that you exude wearing the clothes. The same goes for hairstyles and makeup looks that you feel good in. It’s a full-circle moment—the more confident you are, the more likely you are to nurture your appearance, and the more confident you’ll become as a result of that!
The bottom line…
As evidenced by this list, confidence is so much more than a surface-level feeling. It’s an overarching state of mind that affects how we show up in our everyday lives. If you find that some items on this list come more naturally to you than others, that certainly doesn’t mean you lack confidence. It just means that there’s room for strengthening your confidence in certain areas. Try out these tips, and watch your confidence grow!